How many of us think that silence from another means the other person agrees? If you answered yes, you are being deceived. Do you also believe that taking the “poor pitiful me” approach when confronted about a behavior you know is wrong gets communication going? You know, I say to you that I do not appreciate your not keeping your hands to yourself and you take the “martyr-poor-pitiful-me” stance with something like: “It is hard for me. No one has ever complained. I don’t talk about things. That is just the way I am.”

I recently discovered a woman who lived in a “good communication” marriage for 40 years and developed colon/pancreatic cancer. Her husband would tell you that he and she knew what the other was thinking and had a good communication for those many years. I have begun to see many similar scenarios (we are getting older and long-hidden truths begin to show themselves). I have begun to smell a relationship-gone-awry rat in the name of “failure to communicate-but-some-people-just-can’t.”Unless you are willing to ask questions, talk it out, and hear the truth of another’s real perception and care about whether you are respected by them, you are killing not with kindness but with ignorance, better said–arrogance. Not talking leaves the other to assumption and negative emotional ups and downs trying to “figure you out.” (See the color discomfort here that over 40 years develops into cancer – emotional ups and downs…. get it!) Quit playing the non-communicator’s game. It will kill you – literally.

We are not designed as human beings to live fruitfully and in good health if we choose to assume we don’t need conversations with others about deep things, things that grow our spirit. What a thought! Yes, I mean you can keep growing as a person all your life if you will converse. (This is real love, not the dogooder, “for show only” kind.) Oh, what we do in the name of “do gooderism” in the world outside but don’t take care of each other at home.

The woman mentioned above eventually died of cancer and I was relieved that she no longer had to suffer the abuse of a non-communicating spouse. Yes, she could have spoken up and chosen not to remain a martyr. It takes courage to love and not succumb to abusive control. All of us don’t have that kind of courage or are not encouraged to behave to it. She was of a generation that said you don’t air your dirty laundry in public, methinks. Not that I want to see your dirty laundry but I will have a conversation with you and listen to your heart and grow with you to a place that JOY abides even in tough circumstances. There is a way out of abusive relationships… always.

If the above made you think, made you eager to grow and learn… good. There is hope and you, too, can be the one that promotes mental health for strong body health in those around you. Or, you can do nothing and keep killing those who try to get close to you and blame them when they walk away because you won’t talk. Believe me, those who can will keep moving away from you, one way or the other.

Cancer in the colon/pancreas is not always a hereditary, physical thing. It does follow in some families, however; those who teach their young the same abusive communication patterns they have decided are working for them yet are creating angst and physical illness (re-read the above example). Our physical bodies reflect how we choose to communicate, relate, live with others. And, we transfer those communication patterns to those in the workplace… ahhhhh so many discussions yet to manifest themselves…

By the way, exchange the woman for man and man for woman above. I have seen it both ways. The principle remains. We are here to converse with each other about deeper things than just how is the weather and what did you have for lunch.