No one wants to hear that he or she has made a wrong word choice, turned an awkward phrase, or allowed a grammatical faux pas, particularly in this age of “text, text, and more text.”  Worse is that what has been written appears divisive or critical and that was not your, the writer’s intent. The root problem of some of the less concrete errors (misunderstanding, confusion, overtones) is that “pesky” perception thing.

We think our intent comes through clearly when we “text.”  Really?  Then why are there so many “spins” of the same message?  That is, one view says it is offensive and another commends it as “great thought.”

Ahhh, relationships (remember, text is to a human being even if unknown to you personally at the time (blogs, comments on blogs, online discussions, etc. … all relationship territories) are amazing support and amazing conviction at the same time.  Thank anyone who has been or is willing to tell you the truth about how your words are perceived, what you said or wrote, even if he or she is a complete stranger or known staunch enemy!  Those who “shoot straight with you” are a rare gift.  The rest of those around us may let us go on and on, never telling us we have “spinach dangling between our front teeth.”

I don’t mean to say that we should be the constant naysayer or critic but I am saying that we know when another person is not aware he or she is presenting information that may not be palatable to the people that person is trying to influence.  If it is someone with whom you share mutual respect and trust, say something!  The relationship can take it.  If the latter is not true, don’t open your mouth or limber up your texting fingers.

Haunting Question: Who is it with whom you have mutual trust and respect to whom you have not told “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth” from your perspective. (Don’t discount that last immediate phrase “from your perspective.”  Just because this person shares trust and respect with you does not mean they have your same perspective on everything.)  Who is it that you have not mentioned that they are being misperceived or ask if they intend to be so perceived?  Yeah, now we are talking courage and diplomacy all wrapped into one.

Relationships in life and work are all about how to love. Tough love (tough because critique may at first sound “negative) is hard to give and hard to receive sometimes, but it is what allows us to keep becoming as people with worth.

Rule of thumb – preserve the relationship by being the one the other can “count on” to “tell me the truth even if I might not like it at first,” but soften it so that the other can “hear” without being “destroyed” by it.

I received a critique from a precious friend that, at first, cut me to the quick about my recent blog entries.  I must admit, I needed to hear it and immediately “cleaned up” the mess I heretofore had not “seen.”  All I can say is thanks for being my friend.